Catch my 40K and I'll draw you something derpy.
( now that its a BIT closer )



This panic attack - anticipatory anxiety bull shit
is ruining my life. I want to wake up and feel able
to preform tasks that every other idiot out there can.
I wana wake up and feel rested, not nervous and uptight.
Not wake up to a stomach fit, end up throwing up nothing
and feeling like my chest is going to explode and run away
with my lungs.

My mom gave me some monster pills to help me
calm-the-fuck-down and is also planing on making me an
appointment so I can "talk" to some one and try and figure out
WHY I am being such a retarded spazz.

I read that it runs in the family.
And that often people don't have an issue till they
reach young adult hood ie: 19, 20, 21 22, 23

Never had a problem with it until now.
Never got this far under my skin.

I have an inkling that it has something to do
with the fact that I have been chemicaly depressed
my entire life and I have be loling it off and
pretending that everything is peaches and kittens.
And now the univerce feels its nessicary to slap me
in the face and yell into my brain "WAKE UP!!!"

I have a warped self image. And while I judge other people
I feel like I am not meting my own expectations.
Maybe it makes me feel hypocritical. And like everyone
is just as judgmental as I am. That's a TERRIBLE feeling.
If everyone is judging me as hard as I am judging them?
How are we supposed to live and be happy with all this worry?
I'm not good enough
I'm not smart enough
I'm not pretty enough
I'm not strong enough
All the while here I sit trying
to pretend like I am open minded.

Whatever the case I just want it to STOP.

- Laments trade
( FINISHED need to pack and send )
- Finish piece for jabberwockyjones's contest.
( FINISHED )

- Draw an obese giraffe
- Sirr trade
( no yet started )
- Trippit trade
( add background )